


A New Kind of Art

by SympatheticMemories



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Art, Beautiful, Blood, Cutting, Death, Depression, Music, Namine - Freeform, Other, Pain, Priscilla ahn, Suicide, Teenager, carving, cruel - Freeform, dream - Freeform, forest, knife, paint, woods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-12 23:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SympatheticMemories/pseuds/SympatheticMemories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Namine has found a new and beautiful way to create art, the only problem is that no one else may understand it and that it can only be done once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Kind of Art

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: May be triggering

I grasp the handle of the knife, the sharp wicked curve of its blade gleaming at me. I try to stop my hand from shaking for I fear if it gets any worse the knife will fall from my grasp. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I lay down. I lay there for what feels like hours lost in an abyss of thought.  
I open my eyes.  
I sigh and lay back down; my hand starts too slid down the length of my body feeling the shapes of me, committing me to memory. When it can’t go down any further I slid it out onto the cold slab of stone beneath me. The wind whistles through the trees, it plays with my hair and makes my dress blow out to the side; it blows the leaves across the sky to settle down next to me on the ground. I stare up at the sun clouds hang low in the sky threatening to rain; I turn my head to the side so I can look at the forest around me the vibrant colors hurting my eyes to the point where I have to face upwards again. I let the knife slid out of my hand to the edge of my altar I stand up my blue eyes scanning for anything out of place or moving in between the trees. My blonde hair flowing out behind me with the wind, my white dress rustles between my legs. I start to spin, slowly at first my bare feet crunching down on leaves and twigs, but I don’t notice the sharp jabs the broken end the sticks decided to give me in revenge. I am twirling faster and faster the world blurring around me, the sky, trees, and ground becoming one. I feel elated, free, my troubles have to hold over me anymore, the skirt billows out in a circle, my hair is a half step behind me head, I laugh from the sheer joy this is causing me.  
I fall.  
I land on my knees, brushing them on the stone. I catch my breath and sit with my head between my legs to make the world stop spinning. When I can see clearly I sweep all the dirt, leaves, twigs, and small rocks from my stone. I lay back down pulling my skirt under my legs and sweeping my hair to the side.  
I grasp the knife.  
The first cut brings a sharp gasp to my lips-sharp like the knife, blood starts to trickle down my arm leaving a red trail behind it. I raise the knife again and press the edge into my skin, its cuts deep and sharp pain licks up my arm brining tears to my eyes. I want to press deeper cut so deep I can’t be saved but I have to resist, I can’t cut that deep…at least not yet. The knife pushes into me again and again, rivers of blood fresh warm and red rush down my arm and pool around my head. When I finally stop my arm is unrecognizable, its skin soaked red the skin split open puffy around the edges. I have to rip my eyes away, I’m not done yet. I re-grasp the knife and sit up spreading my legs in front of me. I grab my left leg and let the blade lick up the calf in its wake a thin red line that blossom into red, dripping flowers as I look at it. I circle the knife around my leg leaving long aching cuts, on my thigh I drag it up lazily, carve patterns and pictures into my leg. The arm was just to remember how to wield the knife, now..now it’s time to create something beautiful, something surreal, but amazing, a new kind of art that I can enjoy. When my left leg is filled up from the top of the thigh to the tip of the toe I move to the right. While the left leg was pictures of happiness and flowers it was time for the thorns to come out. My right leg turned into spikes of lightning, bloody hands reaching for a savior, kids crying in corners while the adults laughed. It showed the struggles of those in the world and there tragic deaths. Exhausted I put the knife down, with my good arm I lift my dress hissing as I do, the stings and stabs of pain shoot over my bottom half, my once white dress is now soaked red with blood clinging to my body. I twist my back take the knife in hand once again and paint a picture.  
My back is simple, I cut out the shape of my spine, and ribs I carve the words people have thrown at me and once again rivers of blood flow down my skin. I can’t keep the position long; with a groan and yelp of pain I maneuver myself back down to the earth. My stomach, oh my stomach was chaos, I didn’t have the energy to keep my head up anymore so I let my hand go wild. The knife shined at me, catching the rays of the falling sun as it worked in and out of me. At first my stomach doesn’t want to let go of my blood, but as the knife exposes more and more of my insides it has to let go. The blood runs out running warm over my fingers to join the pool surrounding my body. I let the knife fall from my hand as I pull the dress back down to cover me making more groans and screams edge their way out of my throat. This time the knife goes in my other hand, and into the only unmarred skin I have besides my face. My arm quivers in pain and exhaustion the lines clumsy and feeble.  
I laugh.  
When I can no longer hold my arm up, or shear through my skin I let my arms drop to the side causing a strangled scream to leave my throat. The edges of my vision flicker for a second and I almost pass out. I can’t fall asleep yet, it’s too soon, I can’t go yet but the pain oh the pain is so great it a terrible monster inside of me. To stay awake I start to whisper sing a song my mom used to sing to me:  
“I was a little girl, Alone in my little world  
Who dreamed of a little home for me.  
I played pretend between the trees,  
and fed my house guest baskets of bark and leaves,  
and laughed in my pretty bed of green.”  
The sun is no longer up, it set a long time ago, my blood has stiffened and turned my dress hard and black, my hair shines cooper in the corner of my vision. I notice these things between waves of pain when I can open my eyes-which still shine brightly to the outside world-so I can escape the images playing behind my eyelids. I keep singing I mustn’t pass on, not yet.  
“I had a dream,  
I could fly from the highest swing.  
I had a dream.”  
My left leg goes first and slowly after making ever centimeter a new rack of pain to take while I struggle to stay awake. I can’t feel them anymore I have no idea if they are still attached to me, could they just wander off? I don’t have much longer now…  
“Long walks in the dark  
Through woods grown behind the park,  
I asked God how I’m supposed to be.  
The stars smile down on me,  
God answered in silent reverie.  
I said a prayer and fell asleep.”  
As the numb feeling creeps up my body I choke back bitter sobs, I can’t hold it together much longer. I am unraveling at the ends, this pain carves a whole layer in me it is unlike anything I have ever felt, so elating, free but it huuuurts like a gun shooting you over and over, being trampled by a herd of elephants then shocked back to life.  
“I had a dream  
I could fly from the highest tree.  
I had a dream  
Oooooooooooooo”  
I say my silent goodbyes, I have no regrets about my life, nobody to say sorry to, we all knew I had to go. I am just glad I get to go by creating a masterpiece. I’m ready.  
“Now I’m old and feeling grey.  
I don’t know what’s left to say about this life I’m willing to leave.  
I lived it full I lived it well, there’s many tales I’ve lived to tell.  
I’m ready now, I’m ready now,  
I’m ready now, to fly from the highest wing.”  
I grab the knife one last time first with one hand then the other, I hold it above my heart my hands shaking with the weight of what I am about to do. I look at the knife my bright eyes flashing in the dark, the pain is winning its taking over my body and if I don’t end it now it will win. Looking up at the sky I take one last deep breath.  
My hands plunge downwards.  
The knife plunges deep inside me, I scream as it embeds itself inside me, but then it’s all gone, the pain is gone, I don’t hurt anymore I let out a shaky breath and a small smile crosses my face. The knife slips from my grasp and clatters onto the ground.  
“I had a dream”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or anything
> 
> I know its short but it was my first piece of fanfiction writing, and I found it so I decided to share.
> 
> Thanks for reading and I really hope this doesn't inspire you to do anything bad so to speak this was kind of a vent for me.
> 
> song: Dream by Priscilla Ahn


End file.
